Tragedy struck close to home this week with the painful announcement that a family member of a close friend had committed suicide. At times like these, being empathic feels more like a curse than a blessing. I feel acutely the agony of those he left behind — his wife, his daughters, his parents, and all those who loved him. In their struggle to understand the journey that led him to make this fateful choice, they lean on their faith, which is now amplified by the hope of forgiveness, redemption, and a merciful God.

I want so badly to tap them on the shoulder and politely interrupt their mourning to ask them if they would like some insight into this man.
I wonder if it would provide relief or more turmoil for them to know that their beloved did not share the family’s religious views; that he only pretended to because it was easier for him than facing their condemnation. I wonder if the slightest bit of Unconditional Love — the kind that is not predicated on the fulfillment of a pre-defined role or maintaining a certain set of religious standards — might have given him hope to continue living.

Though his family ponders why he would choose to take his own life, I do not. I understand very clearly the depths of his despair. The fear of his family’s alienation kept him trapped.  He spent his whole life struggling to reconcile the glimpses of his inner knowing with the doctrine that was shoved down his throat. He was expected to swallow every bit of the dogma whether he enjoyed it or not, with no consideration for his own personal preferences.
Yes, I understand the torment of a deeply spiritual man who never felt free enough to explore outside of ‘the box’. I do, however, have an entirely different set of questions:

·    How often within the family unit, does one member suffer silently, fearing the judgment and persecution of those  who claim to love her/him the most?
·    When did our culture start withdrawing love and acceptance as a means of punishing the dissenters?
·    Why is the fear of disapproval so much stronger than the courage it takes to trust our own feelings?
·    Why should anyone feel the need to hide their true self? Especially from their loved ones?
·    Do parents and family members understand how damning their condescension and criticism feels? Do they care?
·    Why does it take something as drastic as a suicide for others to consider an alternate, compassionate approach?
·    Is it possible to prevent others from making a similar choice?
·    What would it take?

When I look at this situation, my heart aches for every person who is affected by his death. The loss of a father, son, brother, and friend is tremendous — and when you add the weight of confusion and guilt, the burden may be quite difficult to bear. We can all stand to learn from their experience.

If you recognize yourself as one who is trapped, I am grateful you are reading this. You need to know that you are not alone. Your thoughts and ideas have a basis outside of the limited trappings of religion and you are valued for your uniqueness. There are others who deeply empathize with you and are willing to offer you encouragement and support as you build up courage to acknowledge your truth.

And for the rest of us — we can do more to reach out to those who feel isolated within their own circle of family and friends. Let us extend unconditional love and acceptance to everyone. I invite you to co-create an environment of safety and trust, so that our friends and family members have full confidence they can explore their own questions without fear of condemnation or any kind of repercussion.

by Janet Louise Stephenson

Growing up, most of us were told to pay attention, some of us (ahem) probably more than others. What our parents, teachers, relatives or others meant was to pay attention to what we were being told. But no one ever told me to pay attention to myself by listening to the voice inside of me. Don’t get me wrong, listening to others can be fine, because we can learn a lot from their experiences, however nothing beats the little voice when we want information unique to us.

I never knew the voice inside of me even mattered. For a long time I just thought it was my imagination working overtime. I began to realize however, that the messages I was receiving were almost always right. That’s when I started to understand there might be more to it than just imagination and there were more ways to get information than just externally.

To quote a line from one of my favorite movies, Peaceful Warrior, “ I want you to stop gathering information from outside yourself and start gathering it from the inside. It’s the only way people can find the real answers they are looking for.”

I believe the real answers in our lives are found by looking inside of ourselves. The mind is great for the everyday, mundane things. Does the yard need mowing? Do I need to go to the grocery store? But if you want to know why you’re here on earth, or why you’re stopped in some area of your life, the mind can’t help you. Because what’s in your mind has been put there by you or others, (parents, teachers, relatives, television, etc.) and that never seems to include deeper spiritual meaning that is unique to you. To find answers that no one else has for you, you have to look to your heart, the inner voice.

What is the inner voice? Have you ever had a strong feeling about something? A premonition? A little voice, if you will, telling you to do or not to do something. How often has it turned out to be right? Following that voice is following your heart and sometimes it’s in opposition to what your mind is telling you to do.

What exactly does “questioning the truth” mean?  It’s another way of saying, “question everything.” Most everyone already questions things they either don’t know or don’t understand, but they rarely question what they already believe to be the truth. Why? Because it’s something they already know for sure; so why mess with it? But whether you realize it or not, truth is always changing.

If you think about it, I’m sure there are things you believed days, weeks, months or even years ago, that you no longer believe to be true today. Some of those truths may have really been entrenched in stone and thought were absolutely unchangeable, but suddenly with nothing more than a little new information, your belief changed. New information or understanding may have made you to look at something in a new light and caused your beliefs to change, transforming them into new versions of the truth. At the same time, those same truths that are rock-solid for you may not be true for someone else.

Where did these beliefs come from that we sometimes hang onto so strongly that we will argue their case, often in the light of evidence to the contrary? In other words, how did these beliefs get into our minds to start with? The list is long: parents, teachers, books, mentors, pastors and television are only some of the ways. Oh and don’t forget blogs!

Everyone wants to tell you what to think and what to believe. That’s not my goal. My purpose is not necessarily to get others to think like me or believe what I believe. I just want to stimulate people to question everything, even what they believe is the truth. Since we know that truth can change, the question is, “Is there a limit to the beliefs that can be challenged?” If you think that the answer to that question is no, then I ask, “What else do you know to be true that possibly isn’t?”

Start questioning everything today, because the clock is always running. Or is it?